Its leg has been twitching for close to a decade now. And at long last, I think I’m done pulling for the old goat. 

 Originally published in October, 2006

Biting the Hand That Never Fed Me

A Eulogy for Columbia's Alternative Scene

By Todd Morehead

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." --Martin Luther King

Its leg has been twitching for close to a decade now. And at long last, I think I'm done pulling for the old goat. I say we all quit pretending, slip a plastic bag over its head and finish it off. Drag it out to the woods and never speak of it again. Lets move out to the lake and get jobs selling insurance. Or maybe we should join the long line of huddled refugees in glam pants making their way out of the South, janitor key clips rattling, toward Philly and Brooklyn to haggle over clerical positions and overpriced apartments with thousands of other carboncopied geeks just like them, because they're either too chickenshit or too shortsighted to build something in Columbia. Screw it. That war is finally over and we lost. May as well head to NYC and blow our paychecks on cool sneakers.

So here's a eulogy for Columbia's alternative scene: "Good riddance."

And take the whole "scene" concept with you when you go. See, the key component, the breath in the lungs of any alternative community is just that: community. And responsibility. People of the same stripe working toward a common goal. Maybe it's the lingering plantation mentality of this state that keeps everyone so strictly divided. Who knows? But forget it anyway. What does it matter when you can just hop in the stickered hatchback and head north? Or worse, stay here and try to ignore the dead.

Having observed this behavior for quite a while, it seems to me that people around here don't get the core concept of creating a viable southern, alternative community like you'll find in Athens or Chapel Hill. A place for an art major to raise a family. People don't seem to realize that it takes way more than bands, thrift store clothes and a vegetarian diet. It takes a conscious, all-encompassing underground economy.

Granted, it's hard to foster that type of community in a state that cuts arts funding, has such a deplorable job market, lousy schools, and isn't known for its open mindedness, to put it kindly. But we're talking about a city-level thing here. What makes hipper cities and college towns tick is a cohesive market and infrastructure, a concerted effort. Some people think that the bands made (and make) Athens. But I don't think the bands would've been half as cool and successful if they didn't have a community in place, however small, to foster them. A community that took an active part in its surroundings. Yeah, hold on to your Rasta caps, Columbia: they vote in those cities. They spend their money consciously and keep it local.

And, know what? We not only have the numbers to change things for the better here, we also have a solid foundation to build on. The Jam Room in my opinion is one of the coolest little recording studios in the Southeast. The Nickelodeon is a firstrate indie theater by any standard. We've produced some decent bands, filmmakers, writers, and actors, too  --though most of them left.

So what can drive people to this city instead of away from it? Like Spurrier said about the Gamecocks, "Why not us?" Well, the New Brookland Tavern is more of a veteran rock venue than most people think but it's hurting because people would rather stay in Five Points than cross the Gervais Street Bridge. We also have a rowdy alternative paper here that's received national attention but gets banned and unsupported in its own town (by hipster establishments, no less). We have what's proving to be a decent city council but when we turn on Channel 2 we never see a guy with a mohawk addressing City Hall. It takes alternative citizens, an alternative economy, an alternative media, and an alternative lobby that understands it will take way more than writing "Fight the power" on the bathroom wall of the Art Bar. Hell, if we start now we could have Chris Bickel in an at-large city council seat as soon as 2010 and with that foot in the door we could easily throw him in a cheap suit and run him for mayor in '14.

From where I'm standing as an alternative journalist I can at least suggest supporting the alternative media aspect of our community. Make an effort to spend our money at places that support the local alternative media, which is ultimately our voice. We live in the capitol city of, arguably, the flagship conservative state; the beating heart of the Red South, a state run by minions of a national administration that makes Nixon and Reagan look as benign as the Olsen twins. And where is the alternative media backlash? So far, you've been mostly reading it here.

As hard as City Paper tries to support the alternative community and alternative businesses, we are often asked why those types of businesses aren't supporting us. Should we boycott the score of businesses who cater to alternative types but don't support alternative media (sometimes even ban it)? Personally, I won't. I wish them all well. But we could certainly go in there and ask them why they do it. Though most of them likely won't care. Pay up and get out, they've got revolutionary Bob Marley shirts and old Bob Dylan posters to sell. Never mind what those guys used to sing about.

Go tell Bad Ass Coffee that, sure, they have the right to ban this newspaper but actively pressuring our other advertisers to pull out is more Bull Connor than "Bad Ass." Maybe they haven't caught the irony yet. And for those who realize what they're doing and still don't care: we could throw in with a few friends and buy their employees some peach colored monogrammed Polos so at least they can look like the fops they're proving to be.

Or maybe I'm being too nice. This is a serious issue. Perhaps we should strip all these folks of their Chuck Taylors for treason and have a pack of Olympia gutter punks armed with cattle prods run them barefoot up the Confederate flagpole at the State House.

The truth hurts. And you know the old saying: If you want to make enemies, try to change something.

This paper has never pulled any punches and we would be remiss as a news source if we only pointed out the shortcomings of conservatives. Sadly, the majority of Columbia's alternative businesses --who serve the very citizens to whom we're trying to give a voice-- are the first to throw out our papers and are the last to support us, even though some of those business owners have been friends of ours for years.

City Paper's plight is just one small symptom of a larger and very disturbing problem. But, it's a problem that we can fix simply by acting with reason and determination on an individual level. 

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